Alex the Great Read online

  CHAPTER VI

  THE LITTLE THINGS DON'T COUNT

  They's many a guy clutterin' up a pay roll for about thirty bucks aweek, which has got more brains than his boss has income tax. When hewent to school they wasn't a day that some other kid didn't wannamurder him because he got 100 in arithmetic and the like. He passed onto high school and even invaded college, where he dumfounded all inhearing with his knowledge of--everything! When he was fin'ly turnedloose on a helpless world, he was so far ahead of his class that theyheld special services for him and had the regular one the next day.

  Now the dope oughta be that this marvel of intelligence should be downin Wall Street now, tellin' J. P. Morgan and etc. that the next timethey come in late for work he'd fire 'em. Well, about once in tenthousand times this is true. Usually, however, this guy is the birdthat takes your card at the office door and says, "Sit down, Mr.Morgan's fifth assistant secretary will see you in a moment." And thenthe head bookkeeper rings a bell and this guy says, "Yes, sir," andjumps!

  They is a reason for this, the same as for everything else outside ofthe Kaiser. The swell-dressed assassin with the ladies, which writessuch beautiful figures and knows offhand how much is thirty-three timeseighty, is fast joinin' the list of non-essential industrials. Theygot a machine now which can count better than him, and don't try tomake no date with the stenographer, either! He thinks his boss is aboob, because said boss is a little bit in doubt as to what day of theweek Napoleon joined the army, and he wonders how in heaven's name aguy as stupid as that ever got as far as he did. The answer to thatone is easy. While _he_ was memorizin' the fact that A plus C equalsX, his _boss_ was figurin' how to hire a brainy guy like him to counthis dough!

  The wife and I are about to set sail for the movies one night, when ourFrench maid from the Bronx admits a interruption by the name of Alex.

  "Well," he says, kidnappin' my goat by treatin' himself to one of mypet cigars, "I have run across another feller which I am on the vergeof makin' a success. I've studied his case carefully and all he needsis to be set on the right track to bust all speed records."

  "Where did you meet this second-story man?" I says.

  "He ain't no burglar," says Alex; "he's some kind of a bookkeeper, andhe's got one of the sweetest little girls in love with him you everseen!"

  "I thought you was married," I says.

  "Now," says Alex, snubbin' me as usual, "I want to bring him up here todinner to-morrow night and have you meet him as he is at present. In ashort time later I'll bring him back again, and if he hasn't madehimself a success, I'll buy you all the best dinner you ever eat!"

  "Listen!" I says. "As Hoover says, 'Food will win the war--don't eatit!' Don't be invitin' no more guys up here to dinner. It's toughenough to have to feed _you_ three or four times a week, without youringin' in these guys which acts like I win them steaks and chops in araffle. Now I'm goin' to the movies. They's a five-reeler down at thecorner called 'She Give Her Soul!' and they ain't no man gonna keep mefrom seein' that to-night."

  "Come along with us, Alex," chimes in the wife. "A couple of my girlfriends which used to be in the Winter Garden with me is in thispicture and I'm crazy to see them!"

  "Hmph!" snorts Alex. "Anybody is crazy which pays money to look atthem fool movin' pictures. If I had my way, they'd all be stoppedand--"

  "Lillian Dish is in this one," butts in the wife. "Have you seen herlately?"

  "No!" says Alex, jumpin' up. "By mackerel, I haven't! Hurry up, we'llbe late--you people is never in time for anything! Lillian Dish, hey?Say! Did you see her in 'What's a Wife?' She was great! Why I--"

  I dragged the both of them out.

  Promptly at seven the next night Alex comes up with his new-foundfriend. I let forth a groan and told the maid to lay a couple moreplates, but to slice everything as thin as possible without cuttin' herhands. The stranger was a tall, slim bird which wouldn't have beenbad-looking if he hadn't been so serious. He acted like it was afelony to smile, and got my name wrong the first four times he repeatedit.

  Well, after the sound of clashin' knives and forks had died away, thewife dolls all up and goes over to visit the hero which wed Alex; andus strong men repairs to the parlor, where the cigars clink merrily andthe like.

  The stranger's name turned out to be S. Jared Rushton, and after awhile I figured the "S" stood for "Silly." This guy knowed more aboutfigures than the stage manager at the Follies. He was a hound fornumbers, dates and etc. He had a better memory than a loan shark, anda encyclopedia would look stupid alongside of him. No matter what thesubject was, this guy knowed more about it than the bird which wrote itand would butt in with the figures to prove it. Fin'ly, when I strucka match and he tells me they is 9,765,543 of them used in New Yorkevery fiscal year, I went out into the kitchen for air!

  I struck a match and he tells me they is 9,765,543 ofthem used in New York every fiscal year.]

  At first it was kinda interestin' and entertainin' to get the insidedope on _everything_ at practically no cost, but they is such a thingas bein' _too_ clever; and when it become impossible to speak ofanything on earth from bankin' to beer, without this bird buttin' inwith all the figures on it, I got enough! I tried to yawn him intogoin' home, and he notices I got two bum teeth. That furnished himwith a scenario for tellin' me that every year 490,517 people istreated by dentists in New York alone, and I says I can't help it andhe mustn't of got a wink or sleep the night he counted 'em.

  "Oh," he says, "it's very simple. I carry all those figures in myhead."

  "Why not?" I says. "They's plenty of room there!"

  He looked kinda peeved; but before he could come back at me, Alex takesthings in hand.

  "Jared," he says, "you are certainly a educated citizen. With all theminterestin' facts and figures in your head you must be very valuable tothe firm you work for, hey?"

  Jared throws out what chest he had with him.

  "Well," he says, "I saved the Hamilton Construction Company just$6,547.98 last year by cutting down the excessive use of lead pencilsand blotters alone!"

  "That's fine!" says Alex. "No doubt they give you a handsome bonus forthat, hey?"

  "Of course," says Jared. "They raised my salary to thirty-five dollarsa week. I was only getting thirty-two and a half."

  "You saved them six thousand last year and they raised you about ahundred and thirty, eh?" says Alex. "Now, listen! Why couldn't youhave made that six thousand for _yourself_ just as easy?"

  "Why--I--why--" stammers Jared. "I have no chance to make anything butmy salary. I'm simply working there, and--"

  "And you always will be, if you don't get wise to yourself!" butts inAlex. "Your boss--"

  "My boss, eh?" sneers Jared. "Say, he hasn't got the brains of a gnat!He'd be absolutely up in the air if I wasn't at his elbow with data andestimates on everything. He doesn't know anything, and--"

  "No, I guess not!" butts in Alex, with a odd grin. "He don't knowanything--only how to make money! Say, listen! If this boss of yoursis such a boob, what must _you_ be? You're _workin'_ for him, ain'tyou? Why should he have any brains, when he can rent yours forthirty-five dollars a week? Now, listen to me, son. You know a littleabout everything on earth, with the slight exception of yourself! Thefigures that should interest you more than anything else is these: Forevery dollar _you_ make, your boob boss is makin' a thousand. Everfigure them statistics along with the other stuff?"

  Jared registers embarrassment. "Look here!" he says. "I really don'tsee the reason of all this. I consider myself quite successful. I maynot be making a million a week, but I'm always sure of my job, andthat's quite a lot!"

  "You're always sure of your job, hey?" bawls Alex. "That's the sloganof the quitter! 'I'm gettin' my little old salary fifty-two weeks ayear, and that's good enough for me.' That's the motto of the loser."With that he jumps up and sticks his face so close to Jared I thoughthe was gonna bite him or the like. "What about the future?"
hehollers. "You must have brains, or you couldn't of collected that massof junk in your dome. You got a million dollars' worth of salablestuff from the top of your collar to the crown of your derby and you'repeddlin' it away for thirty-five a week. I'll bet right now you couldproduce a scheme for gettin' a quarter that would be unbeatable,legitimate, and successful. But if you was asked to dope out a schemefor gettin' twenty-five thousand dollars, the size of the figures alonewould knock that thinker of yours cold! You can't think that big.Your mind's all cluttered up with little things. It's a junk pile.The same concentration and perseverance on some one _big_ thing wouldput you over--and if you don't believe it, ask your boob boss, whichundoubtedly did just that and is now keepin' you!"

  "That's all rot!" remarks Jared. "There's about one chance in amillion of getting over in New York. You've got to get in right, andeven then it's largely a matter of luck! If I was ever asked, I'd tellevery young man to keep away from New York. The town's too big! Itswallows you up and you're buried there till--"

  Zam!!! Alex bounces outa his chair and shakes his finger under Jared'snose.

  "That's not true!" he hollers. "Listen to me, young feller! I camehere a short time ago with one-tenth of the ability that you got. NewYork looked as cold and hard to me as it does to any rube that slinksin from the outlands, crazy with the desire to capture it. But insteadof drivin' me back to the dear old farm, the tough conditions here_attracted_ me. That is, takin' for granted your statement that theyare tough, which I don't believe. I know that a man with the genuinegoods can deliver them here at top price quicker than any other placeon earth."

  "But wait!" interrupts Jared, seemin' to catch some of Alex's pep."Your case was exceptional. You must admit--"

  "I don't admit nothin'!" roars Alex. "Suppose your argument is true.Let's say the chances for success here _are_ slim. All right, fine!That's what made _me_ stick! Your own argument makes New York _the_place to make good in. If there's satisfaction in winnin' over one manor a thousand, think of a hard-won square victory over six millions!Why, boy, the very quality of the competition here keeps a man on histoes and, if he makes good _here_, he's _done_ somethin'!"

  Well, believe me, when Alex wound up that speech they was so much pepin the room I felt like goin' out and tellin' Rockefeller I'd forgotmore about the oil game than he ever knew! Jared looks kinda dazed andAlex never gives him a chance to get set.

  "How about--ah--Miss Evans?" he says; "have you thought about her?"

  "See here!" busts out Jared. "We won't discuss Mab--er--Miss Evans."

  Alex grins.

  "That's fine!" he says. "I'm glad you got some spirit left; they'shope for you yet! Let's see," he goes on, like they had been nointerruption at all, "how long have you known Miss Evans?"

  "Over a year," says Jared. "But I don't see what--"

  Alex points a finger at him.

  "You love her, don't you?" he barks out.

  "Of course I do!" mumbles Jared, like he's answering without knowin' it.

  "Then why don't you marry her?"

  Jared stares at him like he's in a trance.

  "_Marry_ her?" he gasps. "Marry her? Why if I ever asked her _that_,she wouldn't even let me call on her any more!"

  "You're crazy!" remarks Alex pleasantly. "Now listen, son! You beengoin' around with that girl over a year, and if she didn't reciprocateyour feelin' for her, you wouldn't of lasted that long. Jared, oldboy, a year is too long to monopolize a girl without declarin'yourself! You're spoilin' her chances, and it's dead wrong! They isplenty of other young men which would give their left eye to take herto the movies and the like, but they're layin' off because, havin'always seen her with you, they take it for granted they is no chance.That's fine right now for both of you; but if anything should arisethat would make you two part, it won't be as easy for her to replaceyou. Now you need a incentive, and a strong one, to put you across.They is no bigger incentive on earth than matrimony. Go to her andask--"

  "One minute!" butts in Jared. "I never was talked to like this in mylife before, and why I'm permitting you to discuss my personal affairs,I don't know. As long as I am, I'll go through with it. What you saymay be true, but this girl is different, and--"

  "Jared," says Alex, "I don't doubt that she's different, but,nevertheless, she's a member of the well-known female sex, and I'mbasin' my dope on that! I'll tell you what I'll do with you. You askMiss Evans to marry you, and, if she refuses, I'll give you a jobmyself for fifty dollars a week; fifteen more than you get now. If sheaccepts, you gotta raise yourself by your own efforts to fifty dollarsa week within six months, or go to work for me for twenty. Now if yougot some red blood in you, let's see it!"

  Well, Jared gets up and walks around the room for a minute and fin'lyhe comes over and holds out his hand to Alex.

  "You're on!" he says. "Only, I'll say this: If Mabel--er--Miss Evans,accepts me, I'll be so happy that I won't be good for _any_thing for amonth. If she refuses me, I'll _never_ be any good any more! However,I'll try it. Perhaps I've been asleep. I don't know. But if thisgirl ever marries me--" He stops and bangs his fists on the table."Oh, boy!!!!" he winds up.

  Just then they is a ring at the telephone. The maid makes a entranceand claims Mr. Jared Rushton is wanted. In about five minutes, Jaredcomes back and apologizes.

  "My boss, Mr. Hamilton," he says. "I've always got to let him knowwhere he can get in touch with me after office hours. I gave him yourphone number before I came here to-night." He turns to Alex. "That'swhat it is to be a valuable man," he says. "The boss wants me to getall the data together for an estimate on one of the biggest contractswe've ever had a whack at. That means I'll be up all night, so I'llhave to leave now. Our four big contract experts are scattered 'roundthe country and the boss will have to go after this one himselfto-morrow. There will be a conference at the Hotel Dubois, and--"

  Alex jumps up, his eyes flashin'.

  "Why can't _you_ go after that contract?" he shoots out.

  Jared looks like he's been hit on the chin.

  "_Me_?" he stammers. "Why--why--"

  "Why, why, nothin'!" butts in Alex. "Here's a chance for you to showMiss Evans, your boss, and the rest of the world what's in you. Ifyour boss calls on you for the figures in this thing, then you mustknow more about it than he does, or anybody else in the office. Canyou get him on the phone?"

  "But--but I have never sold anything in my life!" says Jared. "Youdon't understand this thing at all. It requires experience and--oh,it's silly to even think of it! Why--"

  "Yeh?" butts in Alex. "What's his number?" He rushes to the phone.

  "Say, listen--please!" pleads Jared; "it's not a bit regular and--why,he'd fire me out of hand if I ever did anything like this!"

  "The number!" bawls Alex, with the receiver off the hook.

  "Riverside 33,312," stammers Jared, wringin' his hands. "But lookhere, you mustn't--"

  Alex gets the number and Jared falls back in a chair, and mutterssomethin' about bein' ruined for life. In another minute, Alex isannouncin' to somebody that Mr. Jared Rushton wishes to speak to Mr.Hamilton on a matter of the greatest importance. Jared lets forth awail like a dyin' fish or the like, and then Alex grabs him by the arms.

  "Now, go to it!" he says. "Tell him you want a chance at this contractyourself. Say you know more about it than anyone else and have beenplannin' the thing for weeks. You don't _think_ you can land thiscontract--you _know_ it!"

  "But," wails Jared, "I _don't_ know--"

  Alex shoves him over to the phone.

  Well, the funniest conversation you, I, or anybody else ever heardbegins right then and there. Jared starts off kinda weak and tremblin'and I felt sorry for him, because from his answers it looked like acinch that he was fired. Pretty soon he gets a little stronger, and ina few minutes he was talkin' like the boss was workin' for _him_! Theonly way I can figure it is that Alex had hopped him up so much that hegot to where he believed
himself that he was the only man on earth thatcould land this contract. When Jared says if he don't get this chancehe's gonna quit his job right then and there and the boss can lookelsewhere for the estimate figures, I almost fell off the couch, andAlex does a war dance.

  Bang! Jared slams down the receiver and swings around on Alex.

  "Well," he snaps out, "you've done it! I am to be at the Hotel Duboisat eleven to-morrow to meet the representatives of one of the biggeststeel concerns in the country. I'm to take from them a contractrunning into millions. If I don't get it, I'm fired. If I do getit--well, there's no use talking about that part of it, because Iwon't!"

  With that he sinks into a chair and buries his head in his hands. Alexkeeps right on top of him.

  "Fine!" he says, rubbin' his hands together. "Now call up Miss Evansand ask her to marry you!"

  "What?" shrieks Jared, bouncin' up from his chair. "What is this? Anightmare? You've already probably cost me my job, and now you want towreck my happiness! I was a fool to listen to you. I--"

  "Sure!" says Alex. "Let's get her on the phone right away."

  Jared looks wildly around the room and grabs for his hat. Alex pusheshim back in a chair.

  "Now, you listen to me!" he snarls, all the grin gone from him. "Youare at this minute facin' the biggest thing that's ever come into yourthirty-five-dollar-a-week life. You got a chance now to rise above themob. You also got a chance to marry what is the greatest girl in theworld, accordin' to your own admission. If you ask her to marry you_before_ you go after this contract and she accepts you, think of theconfidence you'll have! Why, boy, if this girl says she'll marry you,they ain't nothin' in New York can stop you from goin' over the top!Go on! You're all worked up now--go to it before you get cold!"

  Jared grabs up the phone receiver, pale as a ghost.

  "By heavens!" he says. "I--you--if--Gimme Morningside 77,638, quick!"

  Alex closes the door and pulls me into the other room.

  "That there's gonna be private," he says.

  "Where did you meet this Miss Evans?" I says.

  "H'mph!" grunts Alex. "I never seen the girl in my life! Jared simplytold me about her, that's all!"

  "Well," I says, "you certainly have balled things up. They ain't adoubt in my mind but that you've made that poor boy lose his job; andas far as I can see you're gonna make him lose his girl, too! I'd hateto be you when he staggers away from that phone!"

  "Yeh?" grins Alex. "Well, I'll tell you somethin': As long as I'mgoin' to all this trouble, I might as well get somethin' outta it.I'll bet you ten thousand to five the girl marries him and he lands thecontract. If he loses either one, or both, you win!"

  "Write it!" I says.

  He hain't no more than handed the thing over to me, when in comesJared. His face is all flushed and he acts like a guy walkin' in hissleep.

  "I know neither of you will believe it," he says, in a far-away voice."In fact, I think I'm dreaming, myself!"

  "What did she say?" demands Alex, shakin' him.

  "She said yes!" hollers Jared, in a voice that must of woke up sleepersin Kansas City. "Let me have my hat, I want to go over to her rightaway!"

  "Well, what do you think of my dope now, hey?" says Alex.

  "I'll never be able to thank you for what you've done for me!" saysJared, holdin' out his hand. "Why, just imagine! This wonderful girlis going to be my wife and I had no more idea--Why, this girl is asdifferent from any other as--But you wouldn't understand--"

  "I understand perfect!" says Alex, shakin' his hand. "And now the nextthing is that contract, which should be a cinch for you after what youjust done. Go over and see her now, but don't forget them figures onthe--"

  "Contract?" butts in Jared, jammin' on his hat. "What's a contract tome now? I'm going to marry the greatest girl in the world, man! Canyou imagine her accepting me! Oh, boy!!!!!"

  With that he does a few little fancy steps around the room, throwing atwenty-dollar pillow at Alex and a book at me.

  This here's a new angle, and Alex grabs him.

  "Look here!" he says. "I know you're in a hurry, so I don't want tohold you up now; but you wanna recover from this here till you landthat contract! You'll lose your job if you don't, and you ain't gonnastart off married life outta work, are you?"

  "I should worry!" sings Jared, still one-steppin' about the room. "Ican get another job--forty of 'em! I can get anything at all, now.She's going to marry me, she's going to marry me!"

  "She's going to marry me, she's going to marry me!"]

  He dashes for the door, and Alex runs after him.

  "What time is the appointment with the big steel men?" he shrieks inhis ear.

  "What's a big steel man to me?" asks Jared, struggling to get away."What's anything? I'll bet she would have accepted me long ago if--"

  "What time is that conference?" howls Alex.

  "I care not!" sings Jared, throwing the phone book up in the air, and aidiotic grin at me. "I'm going to have a quiet wedding and--"

  I thought Alex was gonna choke him!

  Personally, I developed a bad case of the hystericals.

  "The time?" screams Alex.

  "Eleven o'clock," says Jared.

  "Will you promise me on your word of honor to meet me at that hotel atten to-morrow, in view of what I done for you?" says Alex.

  "Sure!" hollers Jared. "I'll promise anything! Look what's beenpromised to me!"

  With that he breaks away from Alex and dives out the door.

  Alex comes back and sinks down into a chair, wipin' off his feveredbrow with a handkerchief.

  "That baby is a plain nut!" I remarks.

  "Whew!" pants Alex. "I started somethin' now, that's sure! Still, Idon't blame the boy. I felt the same way when Eve claimed she'd wedme, and I guess you did too when Alice went temporarily insane andbrung you into the family. If I can keep him keyed up to that pitchto-morrow, he'll land that contract, and I'll land your five thousand!"

  "He won't land nothin'!" I says. "He's gone nutty now, and you'll belucky if he shows up at all. This here's _one_ bet I win!"

  "Yeh?" snaps Alex, gettin' up and reachin' for his hat. "D'ye wannatake five thousand more of it?"

  "No!" I says. "Good night!"

  At nine forty-five the next mornin', which is practically the middle ofthe night for me, Alex comes around and drags me outta bed. He sayshe's goin' down and watch Jared put the contract over and he wants mealong to witness the losin' of my bet.

  We are in the lobby of the hotel gettin' ready to have Jared paged,when along he comes with some dame he must have kidnapped from theFollies when Ziegfield was busy countin' up the receipts or somethin'.I'll tell the world fair she was _some_ girl.

  She's lookin' at Jared like he was the eleventh wonder of the world,and he's gazin' back at her like she was the other ten.

  "Hello!" hollers Alex, grabbin' Jared's hand and makin' believe it's apump handle. "Congratulations! I wish I felt as happy as both youfolks look!"

  "You couldn't!" says Jared, still with that dazed look on his face."This is my future wife, gentlemen. We're on our way down for thelicense now. Come on along as witnesses. We're going to be marriedright--"

  "What about that steel contract?" Alex butts in. "Did you get thefigures all together last night?"

  "I did not!" says Jared. "What do I care about a steel contract? Ilanded a bigger contract than that, and--"

  "Pardon me," interrupts the girl, with her million-dollar smile. "Whatis this contract regarding the steel?"

  Alex tells her the whole dope from start to finish, and when he getsthrough the girl turns to Jared and says the followin':

  "Well, dear, I suppose this horrid old business could wait, but justrun up and land that contract for a--a--wedding gift for me! Itshouldn't take you very long. I'll wait here for you."

  Oh, boy!!! Talkin' about "just runnin' up and landin'" amillion-dollar contract like she was sendin' him for
stamps or the like!

  "All right, honey," says Jared; "I'll be down in five minutes!"

  They was _fifteen_ minutes partin'.

  Alex and Jared and I got in the elevator, and on the way up Jaredtalked about nothin' else but his comin' marriage. When Alex tried tobutt in and ask regardin' the estimate for this steel job, Jared getspeevish and says that will be a cinch and is practically over with; butwhat's worryin' him is the best place to go for a honeymoon!

  We are met at the door of the room by a little bald-headed guy, andJared introduces himself. The little guy looks at us and says hepresumes we are Jared's associates--whatever that is. Before Jared candeny the charge, Alex presents him with a kick on the shins and says weare all of that.

  Inside, they is a long table and four more guys sittin' at it. Theyall look like Wall Street and large money, and the table is coveredwith papers. Jared sits down and begins hummin' "Here Comes theBride," and we sit down beside him. One guy gets up and says they havetalked with five big contractors already, and they ain't made up theirmind which bid to accept. If Jared can show them somethin' better thanthey've seen, the order is all his. Jared pulls out his watch and getsup.

  "Gentlemen," he says, "I have an appointment with my future wife infive minutes. I will be on time! I don't know what these otherfellows have offered to do for you, but I'll say this: We can erectyour plant for exactly $1,789,451.92. That's our lowest price, and ifwe talked all day I couldn't take off a cent! My concern is known allover the country for the sterling quality of workmanship and materialsit employs on every job, whether it's the erection of a lamp post or acity--and we've done both! We will be pleased to list you among thethousands of our satisfied patrons."

  With that he reaches for his hat and would of been out of the door, ifAlex hadn't held him back with a look.

  "But," says one guy, "your figures are more than ten thousand dollarsover your nearest competitor's. How about that?"

  Jared is starin' out the window.

  "I figure we can get a nice flat in the Bronx for about eighty amonth," he says, half to himself. "What do you pay?" he finishes,turnin' to Alex.

  Alex says nothin', and the five guys look at each other kinda funny.

  "When could your firm begin work?" asks one of them.

  "Immediately!" says Jared. "I'm going to use your phone here for aminute and telephone my future wife. She's downstairs waiting and willbe worried sick--I said I'd be right back!" He walks across the room,while them guys all stare after him like they're in a trancethemselves. "Still," mutters Jared, "she mightn't like to live in theBronx at that!"

  While he's on the phone, the five guys puts their heads together andhas a whispered conference. By the time he's finished, so are they.

  "Mr. Rushton," says the little guy, gettin' up and clearin' his throat,"we have decided to give you the contract. Your methods ofsalesmanship are somewhat unusual--but they may be due to your extremeconfidence, which anybody can see is the right kind of stuff in thatline and--"

  The little guy goes on with a lot of talk about figures, to which Alexand me listens respectfully and Jared don't listen at all. And fin'lythe little guy says again that they're gonna give Jared the contract,and mebbe, if his future wife is waiting--

  "Thanks!" says Jared. "She _is_ waiting and--"

  "Shall we draw up the contract now?" butts in Alex. "They's a notaryon this floor."

  In half a hour we are down in the lobby again, havin' had to hold Jaredby main force long enough to sign this thing. The first guy we bumpinto is his boss!

  "Where have _you_ been?" he hollers at Jared. "I suppose you'vebotched everything all up. I'll be the laughing stock of New York!Where are those figures for that steel contract?"

  Jared looks at him for a minute like, Who is this person? Then hereaches into his pocket and pulls out the contract.

  "Here's your old contract!" he says. "I'm going to take a month off.I'm going to get married. When I come back I want seventy-five dollarsa week to start and a job as head of the contract department. And,also--don't never yell at me like that again."

  I thought his boss would die of apoplexy then and there. He stares atJared, snatches the contract, reads a few lines--and then I got theidea he was gonna kiss all of us!

  "My boy, you're a wonder!" he says. "I always knew you had the stuffin you! I'll discuss--the--er--the matter of your salary when you comeback."

  "We'll finish it right now!" butts in Jared. "I don't want nothingworrying me while I'm on my honeymoon. Do I get that or don't I?"

  "But," stammers the boss, "your commission on that contract alone willrun--"

  "Yes or no!" says Jared very cold.

  "Yes!" says the boss, with a sigh that could be heard in Harlem. "Nowonder you landed that contract if you went after them that way! I'vebeen asleep!"

  "No," says Jared, "I've been doing the dreaming."